In my blog yesterday I gave you an idea of the risk factors I believed are responsible for my current situation. The consequences of losses is grief. If we fail to recognise the impact of our losses on our physical and emotional state then the results will included serious emotional meltdowns to Britany Spears, Kayne West, Serena Williams, Charlie Sheen, etc. It is not just celebrities that experience emotional meltdowns. I have had several emotional meltdowns. Today I would like to share with you some my major emotional meltdowns.
However before I proceed I would like to say that my Jamaican culture played a devastating role on how I was handling my distress and grief before now. The average Jamaican male is considered "tough and rough". In the Jamaican culture men who cry are considered soft, insecure, wimps, cry babies, sissies, bitches, other degrading words are used, and the list goes on. Men who cry or show emotions publicly are seen as losers.
The perceptions we have of men who cry or show emotions publicly are often times culturally driven. Most cultures do not agree or will not accept men crying or men showing emotions. We can readily accept women showing emotive language because to some, women are weak, lower than men and are born expressive beings. I cry very easily. I know that if my Jamaican brothers and sisters caught me crying it is highly likely they would consider me mama's boy. Contrary to the Jamaican culture I think even though I show my emotions I am actually a very strong man. Crying is something I got from my dear mother and grandmother. I cry when I sad or hurt. I am gentle and compassionate. I know that there is no benefit to store up all my emotions inside and never have the boldness to express it. I believe that societies that degrade men who cry and show emotions stifle their emotional and psychological development.
The media also plays a big role in spreading the view that men should not show their emotions. Just this morning on my favourite radio show JJ and Melanie in the Morning on Flow 93.5FM in Toronto this view was being publicized.
When I speak of emotional meltdowns I am not talk about excessive crying. During my emotional meltdown what I experience is raw unadulterated rage and anger and excessive swearing using Jamaican expletives. On my first vist with my counsellor I asked her why was it at this stage in my life I was growing impatient and increasing intollerant and easily angered? This my dark side and if I am going to grow I have to speak about it. My purpose is to acknowledge the problem, address it, apologies if necessary and advance and grow as an individual.
The following are some my examples:
In fall of 2008, my wife were in the middle of heated argument relating to my ailing mother when the telephone rang. At the time my wife was three months pregnant with our little princess. My wife answered the phone and started speaking with her mother calling from Jamaica. Without even thinking I pounced like a raging bull and grabbed the portable reciever from my wife's hand. From a distance of about feet while still very angry I tossed the phone back to my wife. I believe my wife was frightened and she called 911 and in no time two Peel Region police cars were parked in my front yard with flashing lights. My wife invited the two officers in and the officers asked me to leave the house. For the first time in my life I had an encounter with law enforcement. I spent the rest of the night at wife's aunt house in Oakville.
In the spring of 2009 I recalled me being so angry one day I punched and kicked the doors and walls in my basement breaking the doors and damaging the dry wall.
One night in the winter of 2009 I got so angry I took up one foot of my worn out Payless sneakers advancing towards my wife while swearing. My 16 year old daughter and my mother in law were so frigthened they started crying instantly. When I checked myself I was trembling and a total wreck!
A few nights ago I got in such a fit worst than a two year old shorting temper tandrum. I was on my back kicking, screaming and swearing. When I regain consciousness I told myself I would either get professional help or walk out on my wife and children. Out of my love, respect and honour for my wife and children on Monday I commenced professional counseling.
Today I shared my dark side with you. The monumental challenge I face today break the ordinary man but I strife to be extraordinary. Just as Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette can overcome the death of my mother and win a broze medal at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics so too will I rise up again.
Tomorrow I will tell how I made over $500K and still penniless.
Showing posts with label Jamaica. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jamaica. Show all posts
Friday, March 5, 2010
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
To Win You Have To Start
By Mark McKenzie
May 27, 2009
To win you have to start. In the 1970s I spent some of my formative years growing up in Franklyn Town, an inner city community in east Kingston, Jamaica. In those days, I lived in a tenement yard at number 16 Lincoln Crescent with my aunt, her common law husband, my cousin and about ten other families. It was not unusual for rival gang members in the community to engage in bloody feuds sometimes trading bullets through the tenement yard where I lived. Life was tough but I never knew it then. It was not uncommon to see sewage water running outside the kitchen window. Most times my aunt had to shout through the kitchen or bathroom window to beg our neighbours to turn off their pipes so that I could get enough water to have a bath before going to school at Franklyn Town Primary.
Despite the shanty conditions that existed during my boyhood days, I had big dreams and a fierce determination to climb from poverty. A journey which at times insurmountable or impossible in reality. However, journey over which endurance has triumph. Since mid-2006 I have travelled the entire world for my own consulting business, Mark McKenzie Consulting, working for governments, international agencies and regulatory agencies in the Caribbean, Africa and Asia. The experience I have had is beyond my wildest dreams as boy growing up in one of Jamaica’s most notorious inner city. Looking back one of the fundamental lessons I have learnt is that to win you have to start with your dreams. As Eleanor Rosevelt once said “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
Let us take American sprinter Tyson Gay for example at the Beijing 2008 Olympics his dream was to win medals in the men’s 100M and 200M. However, due to injury he came away with a single medal. Tyson Gay is an outstanding and very talented athlete but for all his achievement in track and field he never started in the either men’s 100M or 200M and therefore had absolutely no chance of winning. Let us take Rocco Mediate who prior to 2008 U.S. Open most avid golfer knew very little about him. He was defeated by Tiger Woods in a one-hole, sudden-death playoff after the two ended an 18-hole playoff at par 71, before making a killing bogey. Rocco Mediate was not daunted by his ranking when started the U.S. Open. His remarkable performance including going the distance against golf's heavyweight champion allowed him to jump 111 spots on the Official World Golf Ranking from No. 158 before the U.S. Open to No. 47 in June 2008.
A few years ago I built up the courage put to together a team of international consultants in a consortium and tendered a bid for contract in Africa worth approximately a half of million United States Dollars. The thought of bidding on a contract that valued more than my parents earned throughout their entire lives was not even a dream for me. We knew that if we were going to be successful in winning the contract we had to defeat the main competitor, a leading consulting firm in Toronto, Canada. In the end my consortium lost the bid on the technical proposal by three (3) points to the firm in Toronto. However, in the process I gained the respect of our main competitor and I was invited by the firm to be a partner on the project in Africa. As Walt Disney said “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”
My dream changes overtime. I set my goals and each time I achieve my goals I have new dreams and set new goals. I guess I am like my fourteen year old son. In 2006, he sold four used mobile phones on Ebay and made $400. I was proud of him. He was very excited. One day he told me that he never realised it was so easy to make $400 and the next time he would like to try making a $1000. This is a good example of small dreams turning into big dreams!
Life for me in Franklyn Town was tough but I had big dreams and a fierce determination that I could walk on water or climb to the moon to succeed. A dream so big it has taken me from a shanty inner city community in Jamaica across the entire Caribbean, parts of Africa, parts of Asia and parts of North America. Along the journey I have developed the courage to start and the wisdom to learn that if I want to win or succeed or accomplish my goals I had to start by turning my dreams into reality. To win you have to start. You must have big dreams. You must have the courage to turn your dreams into reality. Start today!
May 27, 2009
To win you have to start. In the 1970s I spent some of my formative years growing up in Franklyn Town, an inner city community in east Kingston, Jamaica. In those days, I lived in a tenement yard at number 16 Lincoln Crescent with my aunt, her common law husband, my cousin and about ten other families. It was not unusual for rival gang members in the community to engage in bloody feuds sometimes trading bullets through the tenement yard where I lived. Life was tough but I never knew it then. It was not uncommon to see sewage water running outside the kitchen window. Most times my aunt had to shout through the kitchen or bathroom window to beg our neighbours to turn off their pipes so that I could get enough water to have a bath before going to school at Franklyn Town Primary.
Despite the shanty conditions that existed during my boyhood days, I had big dreams and a fierce determination to climb from poverty. A journey which at times insurmountable or impossible in reality. However, journey over which endurance has triumph. Since mid-2006 I have travelled the entire world for my own consulting business, Mark McKenzie Consulting, working for governments, international agencies and regulatory agencies in the Caribbean, Africa and Asia. The experience I have had is beyond my wildest dreams as boy growing up in one of Jamaica’s most notorious inner city. Looking back one of the fundamental lessons I have learnt is that to win you have to start with your dreams. As Eleanor Rosevelt once said “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
Let us take American sprinter Tyson Gay for example at the Beijing 2008 Olympics his dream was to win medals in the men’s 100M and 200M. However, due to injury he came away with a single medal. Tyson Gay is an outstanding and very talented athlete but for all his achievement in track and field he never started in the either men’s 100M or 200M and therefore had absolutely no chance of winning. Let us take Rocco Mediate who prior to 2008 U.S. Open most avid golfer knew very little about him. He was defeated by Tiger Woods in a one-hole, sudden-death playoff after the two ended an 18-hole playoff at par 71, before making a killing bogey. Rocco Mediate was not daunted by his ranking when started the U.S. Open. His remarkable performance including going the distance against golf's heavyweight champion allowed him to jump 111 spots on the Official World Golf Ranking from No. 158 before the U.S. Open to No. 47 in June 2008.
A few years ago I built up the courage put to together a team of international consultants in a consortium and tendered a bid for contract in Africa worth approximately a half of million United States Dollars. The thought of bidding on a contract that valued more than my parents earned throughout their entire lives was not even a dream for me. We knew that if we were going to be successful in winning the contract we had to defeat the main competitor, a leading consulting firm in Toronto, Canada. In the end my consortium lost the bid on the technical proposal by three (3) points to the firm in Toronto. However, in the process I gained the respect of our main competitor and I was invited by the firm to be a partner on the project in Africa. As Walt Disney said “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”
My dream changes overtime. I set my goals and each time I achieve my goals I have new dreams and set new goals. I guess I am like my fourteen year old son. In 2006, he sold four used mobile phones on Ebay and made $400. I was proud of him. He was very excited. One day he told me that he never realised it was so easy to make $400 and the next time he would like to try making a $1000. This is a good example of small dreams turning into big dreams!
Life for me in Franklyn Town was tough but I had big dreams and a fierce determination that I could walk on water or climb to the moon to succeed. A dream so big it has taken me from a shanty inner city community in Jamaica across the entire Caribbean, parts of Africa, parts of Asia and parts of North America. Along the journey I have developed the courage to start and the wisdom to learn that if I want to win or succeed or accomplish my goals I had to start by turning my dreams into reality. To win you have to start. You must have big dreams. You must have the courage to turn your dreams into reality. Start today!
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