Second Chances

As a child and well into my adult life I had a turbulent relationship with my dad. The hostile relationship between my dad and I started when I was around thirteen years old and gradually escalated to the point where we avoided each other. It was like the Cold War between us to the extent that during my mother’s long period of illness very little information was shared between my dad and me. We distrusted each other. For us the hostility and distrust was our normal relationship. Acrimonious would be a mild description of our relationship.

Today my dad and I have a much better we relationship. Our wounds we healed more than ten years ago through mediation and various conflict resolutions means. My dad is seventy-six (76) years old and gradually overtime I come to consider and respect him as wise man. I definitely never saw him is such light earlier in my life. On reflection perhaps I never gave him the slightest opportunity to demonstration is wisdom many, many years ago. However, since May he has being visiting with me and my family for the summer and I have had the opportunity see my dad is much more positive light. I have had the opportunity to rekindle the relationship with my dad. Over the summer I observed my dad with my five (5) years old daughter and I could not help but admire him. In doing so I kept on asking myself "what if we never had second chances?"

We have all had second chances in life. Our second chances may be in our relationships with our parents or children, with our managers or co-workers, or even in our career or educations. It may be from mistakes that led to criminal convictions. Whatever the situation we have all had second chances.

When I observed my dad with my daughter, he appeared to be having the best time of his life. One Friday evening they did karaoke and it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen from my dad. The Saturday after they played doll house and I saw my dad being fed all kinds of make believe food prepared by daughter. It was also amazing watching my dad with my eighteen years old son who was preparing to go off to university. I saw my dad hugged and counselled my son frequently. At times it brought tears of joy to my eyes. My dad was gentle and caring. He was patient and understanding. He would sit for an hour or two and just watching my son played video games. It was refreshing and welcoming to me this summer observing my dad with my children is ways that I had very little children memories of similar experience with him.

I believe this summer I had a second chance with my dad. I saw my dad being the absolutely best grandfather to both my son and my daughter. I had conversations with my dad about his childhood days. I had conversations with him about his relationships, his career and so many other things such as his regrets. During the summer I learned that one of his regrets was not having the opportunity to go to college. I also learned that he would one day love to visit places like Iceland and Alaska. He would like to see the amazing marine animals of Alaska such as sea lions and seals. This summer was an amazing second chance with my dad.

As the summer comes to end and the fall is about to lead us into another Canadian winter my family is left with a sense of joy but also a bit of emptiness. On Wednesday my dad visit will end and he will return to Jamaica and our home and hearts will be empty. My daughter as she does not want her grandfather is to go and this morning I had to console her. My wife has already expressed her sadness as his time draws near. We know he has to return to home. My family and I had a wonderful summer with my dad but what if we never had second chances? For example, what if Steve Jobs never had a second chance? Steve Jobs left Apple in 1985 after a power struggle with the board of directors. In 1996 Steve Jobs had his second chance when returned to Apple and today is credited for much of Apple’s success. What if I never had a second chance with my dad? Would I have had the opportunity to see such positive and wonderful things about him? Would my children have had the opportunity to get to know their grandfather in ways that I never knew him in my own childhood?

Second chances are important to us because it allow us the freedom and safety to simply be human. We are humans we all make mistakes. Sometime it is poor communication, the lack of patience and tolerance or lack of understanding that is the source of broken relationships. I know from personal experience how painful it felt to be misunderstood or judged and live in exile from my dad. We all have good hearts and want them to be seen. We have so much to offer and want others to welcome our gifts, dreams and successes. When someone shuts us out before they even know who we are, it can feel frustrating, hurtful, and confusing. By giving others a second chance, we can extend the same courtesy we would ask for ourselves. In this way, we set a precedent for all our relationships.

I encourage you to grasp the opportunities of second chances. Grasp the opportunity to improve your relationships. Grasp that opportunity to be outstanding in your job. Give second chances and embrace second chances!

Mark McKenzie is a leading Subject Matter Expert in financial services regulation and supervision as well as a professional motivational speaker, corporate trainer and youth mentor. He can be contacted by email mastbmckenzie@gmail.com or by telephone 647-406-4622.